“I rewrote the definitions of ‘what if’ and instead of it ending with a negative conclusion, replacing it with positive outcomes. I had to let go of trying to control the endings and just let it happen and then deal with the ramifications good or bad. And in that moment recognizes it was not the word ‘what if’ that I had issues with but it was the word control. I wanted to be one who decided to reject me. I wanted to control who knew my status…”
The Benefits of Having HIV
Why do certain men in NYC say they actually want/look forward to an HIV diagnosis? And who should we blame for the phenomena? —Those seeking out the disease for financial benefits, or the system that creates their desperation?
In his latest blog post, Aundaray Guess asks: Why are so many gay men showing hate, or “throwing shade” at each other in the community? And what can we do to fix it?
"The process of not having the ability to simply’ be’ based on homophobia leaves many in a repressed state where they have to contain their true selves. Adding HIV to the mix, you know feel further distanced from your own gay community as it’s recognized that within that community lies stigma and rejection based on your status."
Aundaray Guess asks us, in his latest blog post:
"If you were looking at your self image in a mirror and the way you saw yourself where would you reside?
Are you in the basement or in the penthouse of your life?”
So, How can we see ourselves as beautiful with the HIV virus and how can we embrace ourselves despite the circumstances and disadvantages that seem so often to define our lives? How can we fly up to that penthouse and begin our lives free of stigma, shame and our past mistakes?
Prescription Against Stigma
Aundaray Guess reminds us why pharmacies can and should be an invaluable part of any HIV support system & why, despite fears of stigma, he chooses to go local instead of filling his rx’s at impersonal chain stores.
Black Shame and HIV
Aundaray Guess on the struggle to align being black, a man, gay and having HIV.
"It seems for many gay black men there exists an unspoken shame that may be one of the factors that contributes to the rise of HIV"
Blogging Your HIV
“I would have to say one of the greatest tools to help me live with HIV has been the ability to write and share my experience of how it is to live with this disease… by blogging I found a way to express my feelings and create a community of people who could either identify what I was going through or find knowledge of how it was to live with HIV.
Expressing ourselves has many healthy benefits and leads you to a greater place of wellness and acceptance of your HIV status”
-Aundaray Guess, Poz contributor, on how to start blogging.
Poz Blogger, Aundaray Guess gets a wake-up call to the inequality of health care.
"When I informed [the nurse] I was HIV positive she immediately grabbed her pen and wrote down a name of a doctor. She informed me to go to YouTube and watch this doctor’s videos as he had a cure for HIV. I was shocked that here she was pushing a voodoo doctor on me while I’m trying to see a real doctor."
Sandy is Still Here
Although Hurricane Sandy is gone, it’s effect still remain for those HIV positive
Read more about Aundaray Guess blog: http://blogs.poz.com/aundarayguess/2012/11/sandy_is_still_here.html
Turning Positive: The events that lead up to me being infected with HIV.
"I guess I shoulda known
By the way you parked your car sideways
That it wouldn’t last
See you’re the kinda person
That believes in makin’ out once
Love ‘em and leave ‘em fast”
Little Red Corvette-Prince
A blog by Aundaray Guess