by David Hancock
“Back in 2001 or ‘02, I met a guy in New York City. His name was Guillermo and he was a sexy little beast. I wasn’t smitten, but we had some fun. Skating on the river, phone conversations; more than just hooking up. Two weeks after we met, he called me on the phone and said, “Look, I have to tell you something.” I listened and then assured him it was not a problem. And then I never spoke to him again.
To Guillermo and other poz dudes: I’m really sorry for the shitty way I’ve treated you through the years. The way I coldfished you after you put your cards on the table. Or how I’ve sped past your online profiles when I saw the “+” sign.
I wouldn’t open my heart for you, even a little. I was too scared. And then it just became an engrained habit to excise you. In 2014, I want to free my mind. I want to shake off knee-jerk behaviors that are rooted in decades-old fears. I’m tired of living in fear of HIV.”